Katabasis - a journey to the underworld

TW/CW: Death, grief, sexual references

The wine-dark sea stretched out for what seemed like an eternity, broken in places by the white foamy excess of Neptune’s fury. Lifeless, empty, cold and yet somehow welcoming to those who had spent much of their life among the islands that made up the disparate states of Graecia. 

As the sun glided over the horizon, a figure appeared on the edge of the pale cliffs that rose to the west of Alexandria, now lost to the sea. They walked slowly, but with purpose. Staring out into the abyss, as if searching for something. Whatever they were looking for did not seem to manifest and they eventually stopped right on the precipice. 

The most powerful man in the Empire, Optimus Augustus, stood before eternity with a plan that would change the course of history forever. 

Flames, screaming, shadowy devils and the face of the most beautiful Greek youth that had ever graced the world danced across the mind of a man who had so recently lost the most important thing in his life. Every night he woke screaming at the thought of his love suffering for all eternity in the depths of Tartarus. What had they done to warrant such punishment? Why would one so young, pure and innocent end up in the place reserved for those who had committed the most heinous of crimes. 

Hadrian knew what he had to do. He had thought long and hard about it, through those many sleepless nights. He had read about the ancient heroes doing exactly this, so there was nothing else for it. Although, unlike Aeneas, he would not seek the cave at Cummae that had been so much more accessible in the Golden Age, he had found an alternative.  Instead, records in the Magna Bybliotheca had informed him of a similar cave on the Aegyptian coast, where he could enter the shades of Pluto. 

The wind blew fiercely across the cliff top, as if pushing the emperor towards his destiny. He braced himself, wrapping the cloak tighter around him against the unseasonal chill that was not to be expected in the Egyptian climate.

He then began his descent down the narrow, steep and winding path that would take him to the base of the cliffs and to the plutonion – the entrance to hell. 

He had planned his actions out, having consulted the most relevant texts he could find. He had his coins ready to pay the ferryman upon arrival. He wondered whether Charon would recognise the face on the coin being that of their passenger. He would then seek out Tisiphone, the most terrifying of the furies, who would hold the fate of his most adored in their hands. If he failed to convince her to let them both return to the land of the living, they would at least be reunited in the underworld. 

Stories told of heroes successfully making it to the dark depths of the underworld and though many had returned, they had never been able to bring anyone back with them. This was different though. Hadrian knew he had the strength of love behind him to ensure his success. 

The screech of a bird of prey - an eagle? - tore through the air, bringing Hadrian back to reality.

The waves crashed beneath him, swirling and churning to form a mass of foam that almost looked like the clouds above. How oddly the world seemed mirrored right now. He was stuck here in the mortal world, whilst the one thing he wanted more than anything was trapped below. 

Struggling down the path, trying with all his might not to slip and fall, the events of that day one month ago flashed across his mind. 

***

The pair lay together, their legs entwined, Hadrian’s arms around the beautiful man he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Antinous’ smooth skin had always excited Hadrian, but as he slowly moved his hands across the youth’s chest, whilst the intense Egyptian sun beat down on the felucca gently floating down the Nile, an intense passion overcame him that he hadn’t felt before. 

He kissed him, pulling him even closer. He could feel Antinous twitch with pleasure himself, not wanting to let go. The two spent a glorious hour together in the heat of the afternoon, their bodies drenched in sweat and their muscles exhausted from the tension. 

“I think I need to take a swim” Antinous said eventually, breaking the silence. 

“That is probably a sensible thing to do, my love” Hadrian replied, rolling over to grab a goblet full of wine to quench his thirst. 

Antinous rose from the cushions they had been resting on and went to dip his toe into the river. A slave appeared at his side to offer a hand. Antinous refused his assistance by holding up his hand and shaking his head. 

“Wait until we pull ashore at our next destination, carum meum. I know you’re a strong swimmer, but you can’t keep up with a felucca at full sail.” Hadrian warned. 

“I just want to dip my feet in for now” Antinous tried to calm him “though I will want to fully submerge myself when we arrive in Thebes”.

“Very well. There should be time before the evening’s ceremonies.” Hadrian smiled.

He got up and moved to the back of the vessel to get some food. The day’s events, especially those of the previous hour, had worn him out and he needed some nourishment. Selecting a large bunch of grapes, a loaf of bread and a small jar of honey, he made his way back to the lounge area. 

As he turned around, the emptiness of the vessel was stark. He had turned away for barely a moment yet the felucca seemed to have been altered drastically in that time. He knew something was missing and fear spread through him like a fire. 

“Antinous!” he shouted out. 

A few of the oarsmen glanced back for a second, before carrying on with their tasks. Hadrian scanned the edge of the vessel, looking to find where his lover might be sitting. He was nowhere to be seen.  

Hadrian rushed forward, frantically scanning the faces of every single person in front of him. In desperation, he found the slave who had tried to help Antinous into the water and rushed towards him. 

“Where is he?” he asked, trying to contain the panic “where is Antinous?”

The man looked confused and started to scan the vessel himself before a look of pure horror flashed across his face. Hadrian followed his gaze and spotted him.....face down......in the water. 

As Hadrian reflected on that day the following hours seem to have escaped his memory. He had flashes of the body being brought onto the vessel. The screaming (was that him or someone else?). The frantic attempts of the physician, in vain, to bring the young man back to life. 

They arrived in Thebes hours later. Hadrian had not stopped holding Antinous. The physician had tried to take the body away to prepare it, so that it did not get ruined by the Egyptian sun, but Hadrian would not allow anyone to part him from his love. 

An official boarded the vessel and saw the desperate scene. He encouraged some attendants to take Hadrian away but he refused to leave. After some encouragement, Antinous was eventually taken off to a libitinarius to be prepared and Hadrian remained where he was, silent and unmoving, for many hours. 

***

As Hadrian’s mind returned to the present, he stepped out onto the sand. With all the strength he could muster, he tried to focus on the task at hand - reclaiming his future. His plan to reunite with Antinous was all that mattered for now and thoughts of the past needed to stay there, where they belonged. 

The cave entrance was larger than he expected. You could easily fit a horse and several men into it if you were bringing an army, though he had come alone on purpose. As he looked closer, Hadrian could see it narrowed significantly at the back, leading to an incredibly small opening in the rock wall. 

He stepped across the threshold and took a deep breath in. The smell of salt and sulphur hit his nostrils, indicating that he had come to the right place indeed. His senses were now heightened as he pushed himself carefully through the crack and progressed into the dark passageway. The route lead him deep into the earth, winding down and warming with every single moment that passed. However, it felt like an invisible force was pushing him back. The heat. The smell. The tightness of the passage. Everything was urging him to return, but he was persistent. He was going to push on, despite everything the world seemed to be telling him. 

Eventually, on top of the other sensations, he began to hear sounds. Were they voices? Whispering in the darkness. He stopped suddenly. This was altogether unexpected and he needed a moment to just brace himself. He had not expected to encounter anyone other than the ferryman, the fury and his lover. 

No, he needed to continue. 

Though the darkness remained, Hadrian eventually felt a new sensation as if he had entered a large chamber. The feeling of closeness was gone and there was more opportunity to breath. The sounds and smells continued, though faint, and he began to wonder how he would figure out where to go if it continued to be this dark throughout the cave. 

“Aghapi” a voice echoed.

That sound was clearer than the rest and seemed to come from inside his head. Hadrian paused a moment as the sound of it was hauntingly familiar. 

“carum meum?” Hadrian called into the void.

A figure appeared out of the darkness. Almost as if it were forming in Hadrian’s eyes rather than in the space itself. White and smokey, first a torso, then limbs, then eventually a face. It was so faint that the entire person could not be clearly identified, but Hadrian knew who it was. 

“I have come for you.” Hadrian gushed “I’m here to take you b-”

“No!” the voice of Antinous boomed. “That is why I am here, I can’t let you go any further”.

Hadrian was confused. Surely he had done the right thing. Surely Antinous would want them to be together again. He took another step forward, towards the shade.

A scream split the air, so loud it forced the rock around them to quiver. Hadrian was rooted to the spot, either through fear or some other supernatural source. The figure in front of him didn’t move. 

“I told you” The voice said in his head once again

“you cannot go any further, it isn’t your time”

“But I need you Antinous! The past few weeks have been more torture than anything the furies could ever do to me. I would fight Pluto himself if it meant I could have a moment more with you.”

“My love...” Those words broke the once brave Emperor and he fell to his knees. Tears trickled from his eyes and an unearthly sob broke free from his mouth.

“...you have so much more to do. I have seen it. I have been told to keep you away, so that you can realise your true destiny.” Antinous echoed so loudly now that it felt like Hadrian’s entire body was full of that sweet voice. 

Hadrian continued to sob uncontrollably. He had been so sure of what he had to do. He had to be with the man he loved, but now that man was telling him to return to the mortal world.  The place where he would be alone for the rest of his days. 

“I...I c-can’t g-go back” he whispered into the darkness. 

“You must.....now!” another scream tore through the cave. It sounded closer this time. 

“What....” Hadrian started.

“They will be here soon, you must go at once”

Antinous’ voice echoed, now with a slight panic to it.

“Who will be here?” Hadrian asked. 

A rumbling sound could be heard getting closer and closer. Hadrian stood up slowly, grasping at the cave walls for support. The spirit of Antinous was silent, but the smoky figure still stood in front of him. 

As the rumble advanced, the sounds of metal on rock could also be heard. Like a thousand knives grating against whetstones. 

“Go!” the voice returned suddenly. “Now!”

Hadrian turned and ran, forcing his way through the narrow opening he had entered through. He ran through the darkness, the walls felt like they were closing in on him. The sounds he had previously heard still seemed to get closer, no matter how fast he ran. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the emperor began to flag. As Hadrian ran he grew weaker and weaker. The rock scratched his exposed flesh as he forced his way through the dark. He could now smell blood and, coupled with the other senses he was experiencing, he wasn’t sure how much longer it would be before he fell down and vomited from the emotional and physical overwhelm. 

Why had he done this. Why had he been stupid enough to think he could make it to the underworld. He thought all fear had left him the day Antinous died, but it seemed that the sight of his lover, ghostly and afraid in the darkness, had given him back just enough fear to get him to return to the mortal world.

Suddenly, a light was visible ahead. This was it! The entrance!

Hadrian tumbled forward out of the narrow opening and into the cavern’s atrium. He crawled further into the light, pain shooting through his muscles. 

Turning back to the gap he had just passed through, he saw a sight that nearly made his heart stop dead. Hands were thrust out of the gap in the wall. Boney hands with long sharp serrated blades in place of nails. Their skin looked grey and blue, blistering as they reached into the sunlight. They must have been moments behind him in the darkness. Antinous had saved his soul from being dragged down to Tartarus. 

The hands slowly withdrew and the sound of rumbling and scratching retreated. 

Hadrian lay back on the sand that filled the cavern floor. He closed his eyes. Tears once again streamed down his cheeks and he thought about Antinous. However, instead of the fire and torture, a bright white light with the glorious youth’s face in the centre was clear and prominent in his thoughts. The tears continued, but Hadrian smiled for the first time in a long time. 

Antinous smiled back and as the light grew Hadrian passed out. He slept on the cavern floor. The first full and restful sleep he had had since that day one month ago.